Do good deeds. Don’t get caught!

I remember when Prince died, people called into a radio station telling stories about his generosity and how it was contingent upon keeping it a secret. He probably made them sign contracts, he was so stubborn. I believe those stories. As a Prince fan, I’m well aware of his enforcement of secrecy at shows and parties. NO CAMERAS ALLOWED, EVER! If you got caught with a camera (or phone), you got thrown out and he kept your camera (or phone).

The marketer in me thinks this is a missed opportunity. These are the stories that build loyalty because they are authentic to the brand. It makes me wonder how different the public perception of him would’ve been if we knew more about his good deeds. Would more people have cared enough about him to ensure he was in good health?

The contrarian in me admired his commitment to secrecy. Remaining anonymous keeps the giver focused on the deed and eliminates a temptation to become the story. There is something powerful in that.

Do good deeds. Don’t get caught. I like this phrase. It’s simple and reminds me of my intentions. It also feels cool to make moves in secret, but the events of the last month have me rethinking that. 

As the shutdown of the economy was beginning, I saw a surge in posts about how people were donating and spending in their communities. I had my own “a-ha” moment about shopping at a local bookstore, instead of the chain store that I was used to. I felt like a dummy because I already prioritize my spending with small businesses, how did I miss the bookstore? l was influenced, and diverted my book purchases to the local store. Since I was influenced, I thought I would try influencing.

So, I posted about where I donated and how I spent with small businesses during that first week of the shutdown. Sharing my spending amplified a feeling of relief. A quick fix to the anxiety I had thinking about the unknown impact to my lovely city and her unique offerings. If I’m being honest, simply donating and spending made me feel just fine too. I’m unsure which had the biggest impact.

Do good deeds. Don’t get caught. It’s a good mantra, something I aspire to. As I reflect on it, I think it’s about finding a balance between sharing and not sharing and being clear about my intentions around the share. The true value of giving is in the act itself. Telling people about it, hopefully inspires them to lend a hand, but more importantly…it inspires them to act so they can experience how great it feels to help other people.

I’m curious, are you public about your kindness, or do you keep it to yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments.

“This suit requires swagger. On the days I don’t have much, I’ll wear this to make up for it.”

With Amanda’s story, I’m reminded of the women who came before us and how different the pursuit of economic security once looked. Many of our mothers and grandmothers weren’t expected to work outside the home, nor were there many opportunities. They were raised to lead domestic lives by getting married as soon as possible. Amanda is the descendant of 2 women whose pursuits of domestic life were upended by situations they couldn’t control and turned them unexpectedly into career women. 

For her mom, it was a divorce. She had to figure out how to get a job and financially support herself and Amanda. She made it happen though, Amanda never felt like she went without anything. She got her clarinet lessons and many of her clothes were sewn by her mom. Looking back on her mom’s experience, she has a deeper appreciation for how hard she worked. It was never her mom’s goal to work full time and be the bread winner. She wanted to be a mom. 

A generation earlier, Grandma Shirley’s husband died so she too had to figure out the economics, during an even tougher era for women being accepted in the workplace. Her Grandma did just fine, by the way, and ultimately became the head of her division. Both women had to figure out how to get money without men during a time when society didn’t offer many opportunities for women to be financially independent. 

These 2 women are very important role models to Amanda and it’s easy to see how she learned to be driven and independent by growing up with them.  

Amanda grew up in Southwest Missouri and spent her childhood just wanting to get the hell out of Southwest Missouri. While in high school, she took her first journalism classes and thought she would ultimately write for Rolling Stone. She was the editor of her school newspaper and like every good GenX’er started a ‘zine after she graduated. Starting the ‘zine was the first time she realized that she liked organizing the thing more than she liked the actual writing.

She attended college at Missouri State University, majoring in English Literature. In college, she was also the Editor in Chief of her college newspaper. Because she was Editor in Chief, she was personally liable for any libel that may be printed in the newspaper. Mistakenly, a defamatory article was printed about a college football player and he indeed decided to sue her. From October to May of her Senior year, in addition to her schoolwork, she spent 40 hours per week working at the newspaper and 20 hours per week fighting the lawsuit, which was dropped that May. After that, she never wanted to see the inside of a newsroom again.

She took her talents to the world of advertising at an agency in Kansas City. She was intrigued when she interviewed because the people were young and cool, there was a dog in the office and people were wearing jeans. There were still cubes, it was the’90’s after all, but she was seeing the beginning of the more relaxed work culture.

They hired Amanda as a PR writer and she moved to KC, where her first gig was ghostwriting for a pest control magazine. She was super curious about the company and the work and was quickly recruited into Creative Copywriting. Again, hitting on the theme she discovered after high school, she was more interested in “why” they were doing things, rather than the actual writing. 

She transferred into media for 6 months and learned as much as she could. Meanwhile, on her own time, she was writing a book about internet communities. The book was a result of primary research she and her co-author conducted to create one of the first (if not the first) published ethnography of an internet community. Her book was published in 2004 and then CurrentTV called and hired her to consult with their on-air talent about the digital community. 

They ultimately offered her a full time Director role. She had a “WTF” moment when she realized that by accepting this job, she just leapt off the career ladder within agencies. It worked out ok, she worked up to VP of Product and left after 4 years.

She moved on to another start-up in San Francisco and had just met a man who was based in Minnesota. They dated long distance for 3 years, and Amanda knew she had to think about relocating to Minnesota if she was to continue being with him. 

She took a meeting with Zeus Jones. It was scheduled for 30 minutes and turned into 2 hours. She didn’t interview anywhere else because she knew Zeus Jones was the perfect fit. She accepted an offer in 2013 and in 2018 became one of the first female partners. She also married the guy she moved here for.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Patti Smith because of a million reasons. I’ve idolized her since my young goth punk phase. She seems like the coolest woman in the world and has an incredible sense of her own style.

I was super into music as a kid. The Regency Showcase Club was where I saw shows when I was a kid living in Missouri. Then, in college, I worked for an alternative rock station. I have over 3,000 CDs from that era!

Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Hmmm…I don’t think so. I’m pretty private and close to my friends. I don’t want all the things that come with fame. Sounds like a nightmare. I’m too much of an introvert. Reading books is how I relax.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I would never sing to someone else. I sang in choir and choir competitions. I sang opera. I was always part of a chorus, and not the person in front. I sing to Kelly Clarkson in the car like nobody is watching. When I moved here, my stepdaughter and I would have Taylor Swift dance parties in the kitchen.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
I have a fear about how I’ll die. My Grandma died of Alzheimer’s, so I have a fear of that disease. When I forget something I feel like: “Oh, this is it!” Watching someone suffer through that disease is horrible.

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
By appearance, it looks like Joel and I have a matching aesthetic and that we both like to dress up. Our house appears this way the most, but in reality we compromise a lot. He’s minimalist and I like patterns. When it comes to dressing up, I love it and he doesn’t. However, he’s very fastidious about his appearance. He’s not fancy, but he’s put together and will have 87 navy blue tee-shirts. We both work around marketing so people may think our jobs are close in common, but they couldn’t be more different. My job is broad, where Joel’s is specialized.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
I never knew I wanted to be a mom until I met my stepdaughter. Spending time with her has unlocked something in me I didn’t know existed. It’s something I never thought I’d have because of my fertility issues. Claire’s mother is incredible. She calls me her “co-mom.”

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I never took school seriously. Now, I fully understand what I can accomplish when I apply myself. Looking back, I could have done more incredible things! I wish my mom had been more disciplined about applying myself in school, but it probably didn’t occur to her because she had totally different goals.  

What do you value most in a friendship?
Honesty. That was easy. I have enough people around me who blow smoke up my ass. I want people to tell me the truth. I over-index on truth telling, which is sometimes off-putting to people.

What is your most treasured memory?
The night before my first wedding I spent at my Grandma Shirley’s house. She asked me: “Is the sex good? Cuz life is long and if it’s not good, don’t marry him.” 

What is your most terrible memory?
Right before my Grandma Shirley died, my mother and I took her to the eye doctor. It was the first time I realized what the Alzheimer’s had done to her — she sat there with her hair unkempt, in a ratty sweater, the rings on her fingers filthy from who-knows-what. All her life she was very well put together. Not stuffy, but she liked to get dressed, if that makes sense? But sitting in that doctor’s office it was clear she had been undone and wasn’t herself at all. People were looking at her and frowning, and it was all too much. I ran out and cried in the parking lot.

“In the morning, my feet don’t hit the ground until I’ve set an intention and prayed for all my people.”

Rachel was nominated to be featured by one of her business partners. She was on my list, but her partner’s nomination bumped the timeline. As I was reading through his impassioned application, I was nodding in agreement and thinking: “Of course!” I was thrilled to receive a nomination from a professional man lifting up a professional woman who inspires him. More of that, would be amazing.

If you ever get the privilege to meet Rachel, one of the first things you’ll discover is her contagious laugh. As soon as I heard her laugh, I immediately started laughing. It reminds me of a girlfriend from my hometown who had what I always called a “trigger laugh.” She could be across the classroom, bust out laughing and instantly I would start laughing, having no idea what she was even laughing about. There was just something about her laughter that made me want to join in the fun and ask what we’re laughing about later. I had the same reaction to Rachel’s laugh.

She not only laughs a lot, she likes to make other people laugh. Her childhood dream was to be a cast member on Saturday Night Live. She earned her performing chops as the opening act for her dad’s gospel band. Always the performer, she thought she was destined for comedy television. Unfortunately, her parents crushed that dream. They didn’t think being on SNL was practical. They would always tell her to go to college, get a real job and make money. They also thought the big city of NYC would eat her up and spit her out. They thought she was too innocent and naive to make it in the big city. They were probably right, but they underestimated the warrior and survivor they raised.

Instead of comedy, she found the next best thing, advertising, which can be pretty comical. As a young person, she was consumed with ads and found herself constantly critiquing them. So, when she attended Moorhead State University, she majored in it. 

Her first job out of college was at Blackdot Agency, working on the Herberger’s account. Herberger’s corporate headquarters is located in St. Cloud, Minnesota which at the time was a minor detail she didn’t pay much attention to. It wasn’t until she met her current husband that she started to connect the dots of their paths and how they almost crossed so many times. 

She continued working up the professional ladder in advertising, making her way to executive leadership. In the mid-2000’s she started to look around and no longer recognized the appeal of that artificial world. “What am I doing?” she asked herself. Realizing that she was out of alignment with who she thought she was and who she was serving, she went on a journey of discovery. She was looking for something different and something that felt more in line with her values. 

She moved around to different agencies, tried corporate and nothing really felt completely right, until she discovered technology. Finally, an industry that excited her again because of the ability to solve real problems that affected how people do their work. 

Rachel worked in consulting for several years, still feeling that pull of something else. That “something else” was entrepreneurship. It makes sense that she has an entrepreneurial tendency because it ran in her family. In addition to full time jobs, her parents flipped houses by working evenings and weekends. They were doing this in the ‘80’s before this model for additional income became popular. Her grandfather, who was a preacher, started over 400 churches! So, you can see how Rachel could easily evaluate the risk of starting her own business.

Last year she took the leap and founded Covalent North, a business and technology consulting firm, with her two business partners “They complete me!” 

What is your most treasured memory?
November 2, 2017 is the day my husband adopted my kids, Charli and Cooper. It was the end of a period of heightened alert for me. It was the first time I was in front of a judge without the fear of the unknown. Prior to this day, my ex-husband continued to bring me to court in retaliation of my decision to leave him because of domestic violence. On November 2, 2017, I witnessed my current husband step up and expose his heart. It’s one of the gifts he’s given me that I will always anchor to.

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Besides being on SNL? It’s never going to die! I want to be on a stage motivating people to be their best selves. I haven’t done it yet because I needed to live through some of these experiences and get to a place where I can feel authentic on stage. I believe I’m closer to that place and am able to harness my stories for good. Being on stage isn’t the goal, it’s the part after when I get to connect with an audience one-on-one. Seeing hope in someones eyes is the most satisfying feeling you can be part of.

What do you value most in a friendship?
Time 

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Sharing the gift of seeing people for who they are, not what they are. I already know how to do this, I’m deeply intuitive. I wish I could show more people how. My son Cooper for example, he’s autistic, and he’s so awesome! I wish people could see beyond the autism label because it would open a lot of eyes. 

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
We both grew up in rural Minnesota. We’re both total jokesters and very outgoing.

When did you last sing to yourself? 
This morning, alone in the car! It was some random song on the radio. I always sing in the car.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Alive or dead? I would want to have dinner with the founder of Fraser, Louise Whitbeck Fraser. She was a pioneer and could see the special.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Rachel and I debated this for a good 10 minutes. There’s no easy answer, but she finally committed to the mind.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Sometimes, but rarely. I’m an improvisational person, I go with my heart and gut. If I practice, it feels artificial.

Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…
Interesting because I’m an open book. So then I think, is it an activity? Nachos is honestly what popped into my head.

“Hey, Pretty Nikki!”

A spark of light and energy, this woman always put a smile on my face as I would pass her desk every morning on the way to mine. “Hey, pretty Nikki” was how I greeted her. While probably an inappropriate way to greet a co-worker, I didn’t care. When I saw her sitting there, usually in bright colors and a lovely smile on her face, it was the greeting she inspired me to make.

This rising star in the product world grew up in an entrepreneurial family whose business was food and wine. I always hold a special place in my heart for women who grew up with parents who made their own way. I feel an immediate kinship and we understand each other in a way not everyone can relate to. 

Jumpsuit: Banana Republic; belt & heels: A New Day, Target

Originally from Pittsburgh, Nikki’s family moved to Chanhassen, MN when she was 10 years old and has lived in Minnesota except for the brief time she worked at a company in Madison, WI. 

Nikki was a musician in high school, where she joined an a cappella group with 7 other kids. She lettered in music and academics, illustrating her curiosity in right and left-brained activities.

After high school, Nikki attended the University of Minnesota, Duluth, majored in marketing and Spanish and graduated during the last Great Recession. Job hunting was tough during this time, because she wanted to work at an ad agency, but the downturn in the economy hit that industry especially hard. She ultimately landed at Epic, where she worked as a project manager in healthcare software implementation. It was at Epic where she learned to expand her influence to an audience of stakeholders in the medical field, learning to communicate to physicians how her technology solutions were actually going to improve their lives.

From Epic, she went to Thomson Reuters, where she discovered the Agile process and it solidified her interest in web and mobile development as the career path she wanted to be on. 

Chambray shirt: Target; white jeans: Paige

She eventually got her Scrum Master certification and that is when Target came calling. Target recruited her as a Senior Scrum Master, but it didn’t take long until she was promoted to a Lead Product Owner. She grew fast during her time at Target and also completed her MBA program at Concordia University in St. Paul, MN.

Sadly, for me, she recently left Target to take the next step in her journey to world domination. This dynamic force took her talents to Best Buy. And while I miss seeing her everyday when I walk into the office, I’m excited to watch her have impact in whatever space she decides to enter next.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
There are 3 women I would like to have dinner with. The first is Queen Victoria. She was an austere, iron-fisted woman. She was England! The second woman is the Prime Minister of New Zealand. The compassionate leadership she exhibited after the mosque shootings in Christchurch was inspirational. The third would be my mom’s mom. I never met her, but she led a nursing department in the 60’s & 70’s and I’d like to know what that was like. I’d also love to hear stories about my mom when she was young.

Dress: A New Day; earrings: Sugarfix

Would you like to be famous? In what way?
When I was little, yes. Now that I’m older, no. However, I am an avid consumer of Reality TV and would like to have the access that fame gets you, but wouldn’t want to have the public profile.

When was the last time you sang to yourself or someone else?
I sing all the time! That’s how I express myself. I sing in the car. That’s just what I do. 

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Most of the movies I watch are horror, so I feel like I’ve thought about it, but now that you ask, I really haven’t. I hope I die peacefully with a million people around me.

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Nick and I have a lot in common. We’re both “type A” personalities. We’re very family-oriented and close to both of our families. We are adventurous and that can express itself in many ways like: Travel, new career challenges and home improvement projects. New experiences are very important to us.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
My family. We moved away from our extended family in Pittsburgh when I was 10 years old. Back then, I had lots of family within a 5 mile radius. So, when we moved to Minnesota, it made our immediate family very close. 

Dress & red earrings: A New Day from Target

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
I wish I’d grown up physically close to more of our extended family. I missed out on running around and playing with cousins. I wouldn’t change how I grew up, but it would have been better with more family around.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Can it be a magical ability? I would choose teleportation. I love going to new places, but I don’t love the process of traveling. That, or doing math in my head.

Dress: A New Day; earrings: Sugarfix; boots: Universal Thread.

What is your most treasured memory?
My wedding day. We had family travel from all over the country to attend. Some had never even been to Minnesota! The night before the wedding, we were reflecting on how awesome it was that everyone was coming. My dad said: “Look at what you did Nik, you brought everyone together.”

Share an embarrassing moment in your life. 
I have, what others may think, are embarrassing moments daily, so I don’t think I embarrass easily. The only thing I can think of is that I totaled my car by hitting a deer. A one-car accident and had to call my dad to pick me up. That was kind of embarrassing.

“Hey, cutie.”

“Hey cutie,” is always how Carmen greets me when we run into each other at the office. She has such a bubbley personality that when I see her, I find myself speaking in a silly high voice and giggling a lot. That’s the effect she has on me.

It was such a treat to do this photoshoot with her because I’ve watched her completely transform over the last 2 years. She was diagnosed with Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) which made her really sick, all the time. The diagnosis required her to change her whole diet. Through lots of trial and error, she learned that she has to adhere to a restricted Paleo diet. 

Carmen said that she had never been so mentally challenged and it was a struggle to push forward with a positive attitude. “I could no longer do the things I loved, so I had to find new ways of having fun.” 

I felt for her as I watched from the sidelines. As she started to come out on the other side, she became a source of inspiration for me. She started posting terrific make-up how-to’s and recipes that she was trying with her new diet. Seeing her new content show up in my feed made me really happy.

Carmen is from Iowa, where she grew up in a creative household. Her mom was a high school art teacher and Carmen always took art classes as electives when she was in high school. Her mediums are watercolors and colored pencils She says she is the artistic one among her siblings. 

During her senior year, she entered a poster contest for the Snake Valley Art Fair. The contest upped the ante with a cash prize and Carmen won. Not only did she win the cash, her work now hangs in the Art Center of Burlington and she was honored by the Gallery with a “30 under 30” exhibition.

As she was considering college, all she could think about was how she could apply art to a practical career. On a college visit to Iowa State, she discovered the graphic design department and loved it. It connected all of her talents and felt like a natural path.

After she graduated from college, one of her professors connected her with Target. She was working part time at a kitchen store and thought: “I’ll just send my portfolio and see what happens.”

She was immediately contacted by Target and was supposed to have a phone interview. However, the admin scheduling the appointments accidentally scheduled an in-person interview. So, Carmen drove all the way up from Iowa to Minneapolis to interview, and the rest is history.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
This is a really hard one because you have to be selective. I like a lot of things and it’s hard for me to edit. Tom Hanks. I’d love to have dinner with him. He seems like he’d be personable. His mannerisms and style remind me of my dad, as well as his charming personality.

Would you like to be famous? In what way?
No. I’m an extrovert and I like to talk, but being the center of attention is stressful. Being famous seems like too much pressure around who you should be rather than who you really are. For example, at work, I don’t need to be singled out and recognized for work that a whole team contributed to. I’d rather help others on my team get recognized. That’s more rewarding for me.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Depends on the call. I’ve discovered as an adult that I have more anxiety about things like this. I want to leave the impression that I’m professional and organized. I want to be mindful of what I’m trying to accomplish. If I’m calling my friends, I don’t rehearse. We can gab for hours. 

What would constitute a perfect day for you?
A day without any routine. None of the daily routines matter. Breakfast for dinner. Movie in the morning. Just a day of randomness. Like that time we ran into each other at the Norseman. Those spontaneous moments are the most fun. 

When I travel, I don’t make plans either. I do what I feel in the moment.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Like all the time. Singing is one of my favorite things. I don’t take myself too seriously, so I sing all the time. The other day, I made up a song about making pumpkin bread. I used to be in choir and I play the piano so I can sing. Sometimes, I’ll rent out the room at the library so I can play piano and sing.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
The body of a healthy 30-year-old. I feel like what wears people down later in life is their body and it causes crabbiness. 

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
I have a lot of dreams about the apocalypse, tornadoes or being stung by bees.

Name 3 things you and your husband have in common.
Hard to narrow down to 3 because we have so many things in common. We both really love pop culture and collecting vinyl toys and albums. We both have a kid-like spirit and never want to grow up. We want to enjoy all the same things we enjoyed as kids, but as adults. We also both have strong connections to our families. They’re very important to us and we make sure we spend a lot of time with them.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
There are a lot of things, but mostly I’m grateful for getting sick. It’s been a turning point in my life and has forced me to reflect on who I am as a person. Like, I loved to cook and bake but I never did it before. Now that I’ve had to do more cooking, it’s made me realize how much I love it! Buying cool clothes is fun now. Before I had to just buy what fit. Now I have more confidence and take more fashion risks.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
I don’t think I would change anything. I didn’t have the struggle of poverty, or the privilege of money, so I have a good work ethic. My family values that we’re successful and happy in our lives. Gosh, what a great opportunity to not pay for college. BUT, having to pay made me more responsible.

We spent a lot of time together as a family. When I was a kid, my mom stayed home with us full time. It wasn’t until I was in elementary school that she started teaching. My dad came home from work every single day. Not a lot of people have that experience growing up, so I’m lucky.

“No ab selfies! The Fly Feet experience is about the community in the room.”

Kristin’s energy is infectious. Spend 10 minutes with her and she’ll have you believing that anything is possible. What’s interesting to me, is how she’s designed a business, Fly Feet Running Studio based on that feeling. She’s developed a workout experience where you can get in shape, but more importantly, you feel like you can do anything. 

Fly Feet is a boutique workout studio with two locations: One in downtown Minneapolis and the second in Wayzata. I’ve done this workout several times and every time I walk into the studio thinking: “Oh crap, I don’t know if I can do this.” That feeling actually endures throughout the workout because the stakes keep getting raised by the coach who guides you for the hour.

After I’ve completed the workout and days after when I tell my friends why I’m walking funny, that’s when the impact of the experience really hits you. Anything really is possible when you, as Kristin puts it: “Stare failure in the face, trust and accept yourself.” While the hour-long workout is tough and you push yourself through it. It’s looking back on that hour where you learn about yourself and what you’re capable of. That’s when you feel the results. 

Kristin grew up in an entrepreneurial family. Her dad started and built a successful manufacturing company, so she saw firsthand what running a business looks like. She was the first kid in her family to graduate college and found fitness early in life. As soon as she got her driver’s license and could drive herself to a fitness class, she’s had a fitness practice.

Fitness is something that Kristin always held onto. Through graduate school, marriage, 3 kids and working as a corporate executive at Target, she’s always had a fitness routine. When she got her first job out of college at Accenture, she taught group fitness as her side hustle. She always felt like she would open a gym someday.

That day arrived when she left her corporate VP job to launch her fitness studio 3 years ago. Kristin is that perfect mix of analytical and visionary so the day she left her full time job, she had a fully baked business plan and was ready to launch the first class. People are often surprised that she made that leap, but she believes that you have nothing to lose in life. If something is speaking to you, you have to pay attention to it.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
Oprah. For many reasons, but one that stands out is a 60 Minutes interview of her that I saw from the ‘80’s when she was about to launch her show. Mike Wallace asked her what happens if the show doesn’t do well. She responded that she will still do well because she is not defined by a show. She said that she is defined by how she treats herself and other people. 

Would you like to be famous? In what way?
I want to be honest about how I answer. I want to be famous for the right thing. I get energy from impacting people and believe in the “why” behind Fly Feet. I want Fly Feet to be big and if that brings fame, then I’d feel ok about it.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
No, but I used to. In past professional roles, I would get negative feedback about being direct. So, I would rehearse so I wouldn’t come across too direct. 

What would constitute a perfect day for you?
The weather would be warm and we’d be at a beach. I would wake up at 5:00 a.m., drink my coffee and catch up on news and emails. Go on a run or do a Fly Feet workout. Get home and everyone is still asleep so we can have breakfast as a family. Hang out on the beach and be active with my family.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
My 6-year-old gets a personalized version of Hush Little Baby, so I probably did that some time in the last week.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
That’s a difficult choice because they feed each other, but I would choose to keep my mind.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
No, I’ve never thought about this! Have you? I’m a glass half full kind of person and have honestly never spent time thinking about it, but now I’m going to!

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
My health, family and the circumstances to which I was born.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
The way I was raised wasn’t perfect, but what is? I wouldn’t change anything because it made me who I am.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
I would love to be able to sing. I’m pretty terrible, but I love it. I am pretty good at rapping though. Teleportation for me and my family because we’d travel everywhere!

A Woman of the People

My memory of the caricature of a food critic is someone who is an elitist and only recommends the poshest of places that few can afford. They may disguise themselves so chefs and customers don’t recognize them when they are out “critic’ing”. Restaurants bend over backwards to make sure the critic has an excellent experience, only to be disheartened to read a scathing review in the next publication. We’ve all seen this movie.

The foodie experience has changed over the last 10+ years and I’d go so far as to say that it has been democratized much like my industry of design.

One of the main disruptors, locally, to that old fashioned idea of the  food critic is Stephanie March. She’s currently the Senior Editor of Food and Dining at Mpls.St. Paul Magazine and co-hosts the radio show, “Weekly Dish”.

Even though she used to pretend to be a writer as a kid, won a writing contest in high school and majored in English, she didn’t realize she wanted to be a writer until much later in life.

Her food hospitality experience started in college when she worked as the bar manager at the campus pub. When she graduated, she spent a short time in advertising, and then went on to bartend at Buca in Eden Prairie. She worked up the ranks at Buca, becoming the Director of Training where she would travel the country opening new restaurants and training the staff. One of the perks of this job was being able to eat and drink through all the cities she was traveling to.

She left that job for circumstances out of her control and launched her own freelance consulting business training restaurant staff, blogging and media buying. This was where she started to build her food network.

There was a new magazine launching in Minneapolis, called The Rake, where she pitched and landed a food writing gig. She spent 6 years at The Rake and when the magazine folded, she continued to blog. She was still figuring out that she was a writer.

She took one more restaurant consulting job at Oceanaire when the great recession of 2008 hit. Budgets and expense accounts dried up and nobody was hiring for that type of work anymore. It was also around this time that Andrew Zimmern was leaving Mpls.St.Paul Magazine, so she applied for his job. She was turned down, but took freelance assignments with the magazine, which ultimately led to an Assistant Editor job, which led to her current role as the Senior Editor of Food and Dining.

What I personally love about Stephanie’s work, is the attention she pays to what she’s defined as her two audiences: Readers to feed and the restaurant community as a whole. She’s earned the trust of chefs because she provides her honest feedback when they ask for it.

I also love how she believes that good food should be for everybody. She’s not judge and jury on what “should” be the right restaurant, chef or food experience. If you like it, that’s awesome. The way she describes food is her authentic experience of it, which may be critical because she has a duty to the reader to be honest about her thoughts.

She’s made the local eating out experience engaging, celebratory and fun. I’m a huge fan because her optimism is contagious.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
MFK Fisher. She’s a food writer who was born in Minnesota, but moved to California as a young girl. She was the first person I discovered who had a voice and creative writing around food. She took no pleasure in dissecting taste. Context was more important, as were trends and why we accept them.

What would you cook?
Speaking of trends, Cacio E Pepe. I would cook that.

Would you like to be famous? In what way?
I used to think so. I’m locally known and enjoy interacting with people who respond well to my work, but fame is not a goal.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
No, I’m famously off-the-cuff.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
This morning. All the time. My kid and I listen to a lot of music and we sing in the car.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
No, but I think about it. Like on a plane. My averages are up there because I used to fly so much. I’d think: “Is this it?”

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
3 beautiful and wonderful step children.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
My mom is amazing and my best friend, but she raised us herself. It would have been nice to have had a male role model, but I don’t yearn for it.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Flight, so I don’t have to do so much driving. Ha! Seriously though, I have a pretty zen outlook, but I am at an age where I think about things differently. I need to trust myself more and let go of the BS that comes with doubt.

What is your most treasured memory?
Finding joy in the most difficult moments in life. To give you context, I’m a first generation American. My mom escaped the war in Germany and she worked so hard. She was an immigrant, divorcee, with 2 teenage daughters and in the process of getting her CPA. We didn’t have much. There were many nights when dinner consisted of Bisquick, tunafish and pasta. One night her and I were doing dishes and I played the “Rubber Band attached to the sprayer” trick on her. When she turned on the faucet, she got really wet! A laughing chase ensued, where she tackled me to the ground and stuffed a stinky, milky, trashy rag in my face to get back at me. We laughed ourselves silly. I still laugh really hard thinking about it today.

“I’ve seen the worst outcomes of risk taking!”

Assumptions are funny, aren’t they? We all do it, whether it’s conscious or subconscious. I admit, I see a pretty woman with all the “right” clothes, the “right” job and the “right” things and it never crosses my mind that maybe this person has struggled or has worked hard to get where she is.

That was true for me when I got the opportunity to really talk to Melissa. I didn’t realize my assumptions about her until I learned about how she grew up and what her experiences were. Up until that point, our interactions had mostly been professional. And unlike me, she paces herself with the personal information that she shares with people. I can respect that.

Melissa immediately became an adult at 8 years old when her mom died suddenly of myocarditis. Her dad had just dropped her and her brother off for the holidays, when her mom collapsed in the living room. They had to call their dad so he would return to the house and convince him that it wasn’t a joke.

5 years prior to that, her dad survived being struck by a semi, but the accident left him a quadraplegic. So, after her mom died, Melissa took on the stereotypical gender roles of the household. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry and made sure her brother got to school in one piece. Think about being in 2nd grade and not having the same parental resources as most kids you are friends with. Life gets real, real fast.

Melissa shared that her childhood was difficult, but it also developed her ambition. She was an academic overachiever, skipping her senior year in high school and graduating from Grinnell a semester early. She has 2 Master’s Degrees. One is in Journalism and the other in Business.

Her Master’s thesis explored the “Otherness of the body.” She believed that if people with disabilities were represented more in pop culture and film with or without stereotypes, that it would positively affect the overall populations’ view of them. She proved it by testing 2 sample groups. She showed one group film clips from pop culture movies that contained disabled people as protagonists, then had them answer a series of questions relating to their perception of the disabled as parents, in the workplace, etc. The other group wasn’t shown any clips but still answered the questions. The outcome was able to provide statistically significant evidence that even though the film clips may have shown stereotypical portrayals of the disabled, it still positively affected how others perceive the disabled. Most importantly, this proved that representation and inclusivity within media is essential in making people more comfortable with “otherness”.

Melissa’s career and style is impressive. It’s uncommon to meet someone in advertising who has achieved so much academically. I’m always fascinated by people who can do well in academia. She admits during our conversation that she believes her ambition is a direct result of not having more support from adults as a kid. She just wanted someone to provide direction and say: “Hey kid, you’re really good at this. You should go for it.” Instead, she’s had to embark on that journey alone.

Melissa could have a career in any industry. She chose advertising because she fell in love with it. She started at a publishing company, working as a writer and beauty editor for several local magazines. While there, she was recruited by Target and they brought her on board to work on various creative projects.

While at Target, she transitioned full time into writing and eventually was promoted to Associate Creative Director. Her portfolio of work spans the enterprise including Target Style, Bullseye Beauty, Target Race and Ava & Viv. She takes great pleasure being the person in the room that fights for inclusivity and representation in our storytelling. When her team was developing the Ava & Viv brand (plus size apparel), she was the one tirelessly advocating for us to focus on style first, size second. That commitment has had incredible business results on the projects she leads.

Melissa embodies all the characteristics women get in trouble for. She’s smart, opinionated and determined to get her ideas implemented, no matter who she makes uncomfortable. Those are all the characteristics we need to inspire change and acceptance in our media landscape.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
It changes by day. Michelle Obama. I think she’s amazing. Or Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Time is running out. Make her number one!

Would you like to be famous? In what way?
No, it seems glamorous. I think those people are miserable. I’d like to be known. Someone who fights for something like RBG.

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
Working out, massage, getting on a plane to a new city and ending with delicious wine.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I just sang this morning! I make up songs about my dogs and sing to them. After my husband left this morning I was scream-singing to my dogs.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Obviously my mind. I’ve always struggled with being physically fit and I’m trying to give myself a little more credit. I mean, I just deadlifted 220 pounds last month! I’ve also been recovering from a concussion the last 4 months and it’s made me realize even more how important it is for me to be able to think and articulate my ideas.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
No, and I don’t want to think about it. Having watched my mom die, I only want to focus on living. I do have a goal to become more comfortable with death. I want to be at ease and not fight it, but currently, I’m terrified.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Travel, opportunities I’ve had and education. When you travel, you see the world and different perspectives. It changed who I was. I was 15 when I went to Mexico to build houses and I saw what real poverty was. I spent 2 summers doing that.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I wish I wouldn’t have had so much self doubt. I wonder what life would have been like if someone had recognized what I was good at and pushed me.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Being less risk-averse. Having visibility to the community of people with disabilities, I’ve seen the worst outcomes of risk taking! I’d also follow my own advice.

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Move and work abroad. It would be hard to convince my husband. When we met, he hadn’t left the country. I have a good job and I’ve created a beautiful home. I’m settled in.

The Side Hustle

Relationships between women at work can be some of the most important connections you can make as a woman. We can be great gut checks for each other. Whether it’s an idea that you may be thinking about, a conflict with a co-worker you may have encountered or just plain old “girl talk”.

These relationships have been crucial to my survival in the corporate world. Moments of reprieve, connection and lots of laughs. Many of the women I work with, I consider friends and sometimes these friendships can birth a business. Partnerships in creation outside the office walls, also known as the side hustle.

The side hustle is an important part of a creative professional’s life. It allows them to test their assumptions and stretch their creative muscle. It offers a rotation of work that ultimately feeds other work. It keeps you fresh, nimble and motivated in your full-time job.

When Erin, Cassidy, Naomi and Colleen met working as stylists at Martha Stewart Weddings in New York City, they didn’t know that working and sitting together would lead to a fulfilling side hustle, which would lead to launching an innovative business.

They planned and styled events at Martha and also sat together in the same row of desks, so the conversations and collaborations came naturally. Sitting next to the same people 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, creates a safe space for brainstorming ideas. It’s why we see more office spaces designed for collaborative conversations.

They started discussing an idea around designing funerals. They wondered why funerals weren’t held to the same standards of style and design as weddings were. People celebrate every milestone in life, except death. It’s something that people don’t want to think about until it happens, so all the special details about this life are overlooked because the families are grieving.

They talked about an idea of a funeral design business and a vision came together after about a year. They realized that together, they could leverage their expertise in the wedding planning business and apply it to the funeral business.

Going Out in Style was founded on “The belief that life at its ending deserves a grand exit.” It started as a side hustle where they would work with families of the deceased to plan celebrations that perfectly captured the person’s individual style. Today, they find themselves getting lots of press coverage, interest from TV studios, and yes, planning funerals.

I met with 2 of the 4 founders (Erin & Cassidy) at Bardo to learn more about their business. I told them that I love the idea and have experienced bits of this concept at a funeral for one of my uncles. He was an avid cyclist and a fan of brass music, so at the beginning of the church service, his son-in-law walked a bike down the aisle to Carolina Brass’s version of Amazing Grace. I only know that because after the funeral, I immediately searched for the song so I could listen to it again.

I remember that moment in my uncle’s service like it was yesterday and whenever that song pops up in my iTunes, it makes me both happy and sad. Incorporating that bit of authenticity into the ceremony was a such a gift. I’ll remember it forever.

That’s why I think this business concept is so cool. We invest so much thought, time and money into celebrating “beginnings” like weddings, first baby showers, first home, but we neglect the moment in time when the beautiful story of a whole life has concluded. There are many reasons for that like: It’s how it’s always been done, it’s a difficult time for the family and the deceased may have never expressed their final wishes.

It’s time for disruption.

Imagine you could plan all the details so your final celebration would be a true representation of your style and included all the momentos that you cared about. The flowers could be your favorite and the playlist would express the energy you want people to remember to feel about you.

The women from Going Out In Style can help draw out design choices like color palette, fashion choices, typography for your programs and invitations, food and beverages. The ideas are endless and the value that Going Out In Style offers is that they can help you curate those choices and come to a solution that is perfectly you. The value is two-fold. One, you’re assured that the party will be just as you want it, and more importantly, your family can devote their time celebrating your life, rather than being bogged down with the details of planning and executing a funeral.

Since that moment at my uncle’s funeral had such an impact on me, I have to admit, I do think about the last impression I want to leave people with. I don’t want my funeral to be anywhere near a church. I’m thinking about a dance party, with lots of Prince music. Really high-end food with Rosé, Champagne and coconut cake (trust me). And of course, I want my guests dressed to impress.

“I’m focused on building my legacy”

It makes sense that Anne is an entrepreneur because it’s in her DNA. She grew up with parents who are self-made, so she understands the journey. Her dad built a construction company and her mom built and sold several businesses. The discoveries Anne is uncovering through her entrepreneurial journey are vast and challenging. She welcomes the risk and is excited about the legacy she is building.

Her path to business ownership wasn’t a straight line, she started her career wanting to be a news anchor. When she was a kid, she would perform the weather report for her parents. She attended the University of Minnesota and studied broadcast journalism. Shortly after college, she moved to New York City to pursue her anchor dreams.

Once there, she realized that the market was too big for her to make it. Nobody was going to give a Midwest talent, with no experience, a break. So, she got a job at JCrew. It was here she met and connected with a photographer who worked at NBC. This connection led her to getting a job in the advertising department at NBC.

She worked at 30 Rock, the famous building that is the home of some of our favorite shows: SNL, The Today Show, Conan (when she worked there). One of the perks of working at 30 Rock, was she could go anywhere in the building, including the sets of these shows. She’d run into talent in the elevator. It was a fun time in her career.

After working in NYC for about 2 years, she moved back to Minneapolis. When she returned, she worked as a producer at Channel 9. She still wanted to be a reporter, so she shadowed other reporters and wrote her own reports. Until one day, she experienced the realities of being a reporter that went beyond just telling stories for the camera.

She was dispatched to a house fire, where a family had just returned from vacationing in Florida. They lost their house and all of their belongings in the fire. Anne’s job was to interview the family about their devastation so she could get the story. That experience felt awful.

Then, there was the story she had to cover about a shooting in NE Minneapolis, where she saw her first dead body. Her dream of becoming an on-air reporter started to fade.

After working in news, she went back to advertising and worked at two of the top agencies in town, Fallon & Martin Williams. In between those two jobs, she started a successful catering business and also pitched (and won) a cooking segment on Channel 9.

Then, it was on to Target, where she was selected to work on a large innovation project, Store of the Future. Unfortunately, that project got defunded, so she left Target and ventured out on her own.

She co-founded Red Archer Retail, which provides consulting services for anyone thinking about the future of retail, in addition to the content platform, Omni Talk, where they candidly discuss tech retail industry.

When I asked Anne about her style, her response was: “Sheesh, is ‘machine washable’ a style category?”

Her life is spent with dirty kids, in a gym or pitching investors these days, so her go-to style is something that’s classic, comfortable and most important, easily washable. When there’s a rare occasion to dress up, wearing heels is fun and most of the outfits she wears for a night out, are vintage hand-me-downs from friends, her grandmothers and her husband’s grandmother. She LOVES those, especially thinking about the events those women wore the outfits to.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Do they have to be alive? I would like to have Abraham Lincoln over for dinner. I’m interested in his perspective on current events. Since he was President during contentious times, what would his reaction be to a briefing with the current administration? I’m interested in historical people. I want to understand what we can learn from the past.

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It depends on how you describe fame. I think it sounds awful. I’d prefer my work or ideas to be famous. I’d like exposure for making things happen so I can inspire others to go outside the box and live the life they dream of.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?

Yes, I do. It’s a recent development. Anyone who knows me, says I’m flexible and comfortable with not knowing everything. This makes me a long-winded storyteller. That doesn’t work so well in the pitching process because you have a limited amount of time with very busy people to get your idea across and close the deal. So, I have to practice what I’m going to say and how I’m going to overcome any objections in a 5-10 minute conversation.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I don’t know when I last sang to myself, but I sang to my son this morning. It didn’t work because he was still crying. I also don’t sing well.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Probably from multi-tasking. It will be a scenario where I have too much going on and I’ll accidentally light a stove.

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

We’re both entrepreneurial, idea-driven (he’ll riff on ideas with me), shared life goals and what we want our life to look like and we both do what we love.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Getting to be a working mom.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I wouldn’t change anything. Flaws and all, I think my parents did a good job of raising me to be a person who has become her own person, and if they’d done anything differently, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Unlimited patience.

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I always wanted to own a business. Both of my parents were small business owners. I haven’t done it until this point because I was afraid to take the risk. Last year, life opened up to me so I could try. I feel responsible for my legacy, my kids and my family’s legacy and building something for that is very important to me.